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Done my accounting test, completed and handed up my project today... finally! Been rushing to finish the project in times of bad, I never gif up... I still carried on doing, knowing that I should not be affected and be defeated easily.
However, deep down in my heart... I'm can still feel the pain. I may look fine, I may look strong but in fact, I don't think I am... It's been a torture for me this past one week, feeling abandoned. At the time when I need encouragement, help and support most, everything happened... I've been backstabbed and accused by someone I regarded as a good friend and he don't believe me for her words. Though I tried explaining, but that was treated as a pack of lies... When I gave up explaining, I was said to have no evidence to support my stand... No one understands the pain I've been enduring. I yearn for a listening ear and a word of encouragement but there's none... Everything, I've got to bear everything... Words of accusation and insults, stress from my work, family and my inner feeling... I've got a lot of things to say, really a lot! There's hole in my friendship, my relationship and things happened at home.
All along, I'm someone who hates to be alone... I dare not do alot of things by myself, I've always want someone to guide me through and I need friends and family... Over here, I've got no family to rely on, I've got to find myself friends... I want to mix around with them, I don't want to be neglected... Everyone here is rather nice to me but you never know deep inside their heart, what are they thinking.. I've heard of people attempting to put a recorder in the kitchen to record things people said, I've heard of people spitting into bowls belonging to others they detest and alot alot.. After knowing what is really happening around, I really fear... Even people whom I treat as my good friend, someone I did not boycott when everyone ostracised her betrayed me... Let alone those who are just friends around... The world is so scary, people who appear to be nice to you might be killing you silently... If I din come over to UK, I never know the existance of such things...
I've been amazing... Really amazing!!!
I told myself not to hate anyone who hurts me... though he did not believe me but someone he dun really know, I told myself it's ok... It makes me reckoned the fact that even people who are close to you will leave you eventually... Though in the end he hears my explanation and felt bad to me... he wanted me back, but I know I can't. I told him that I'm not angry with him, neither do I hate him but I can't bring myself back to him even if I want to... Juz hope he will really do well in life and put in the best in everything he do... take care!
